Mom Guilt: Navigating Missing Out as a Parent

Mom Guilt is REAL

It happens to all of us. You’re at work, in a meeting you absolutely cannot get out of, and you get a text from your partner—a photo of your kid on the soccer field, mid-game. Or maybe it’s a notice from the school that a field trip needs chaperones, and your heart sinks because your schedule is so packed.

Cue the mom guilt.... A feeling that can completely derail your day and make you question everything you’re doing. You’re not alone in this. We’ve all been there, and it’s okay to feel that way.

What if we could shift our perspective on this feeling entirely? What if the guilt wasn’t a sign you were failing, but a beautiful, messy reminder of a powerful truth?

The Mom Guilt Is a Sign of Love, Not a Flaw

It’s ok to simply accept the guilt as a piece of what you’re feeling, rather than letting it get in the driver's seat. We can't just flip a switch and turn off guilt, especially when it comes to our kids, but instead of beating ourselves up about it, let’s look at the feeling itself. That pang of guilt isn't a flaw; it's just your heart telling you how much you love and adore your kid. It’s a powerful sign that you want to be there for them, to cheer them on, to witness their life. Let it be there, but don't let it drive you.

You can't get rid of that feeling, and frankly, you wouldn't want to. It just means you care. It’s a wonderful, heartfelt testament to your love, and you're allowed to feel it.

The Old Narrative We Need to Rewrite

There’s this narrative we’ve all heard, and maybe even felt:

"My parents never came to my games, so they didn't care about me."

Oof - gut punch. And it fuels our biggest parenting fears. But here's the thing that we miss—it's not the absence that was the problem. It was the feeling of being uncared for. The real heartbreak was in the second half of that story.

As a parent, maybe our mission isn’t to at every single event if that is unrealistic. It’s to make sure our child never feels that second part of the story. You can still ensure your kid knows that you care about them, even if you can’t make it to the game.

Infusing Your Presence, Even When You're Absent

This is where the magic happens. You don't have to be physically present to be with your child. Your presence is infused through repeated moments of delight and genuine interest. If your kid feels your delight about them, if they know that you are genuinely interested in them and their lives, you are infusing your presence into them even when you aren't there. This is the thing that truly matters.

So, when they get home from the game or the field trip, drop everything for a few minutes. Ask them (enthusiastically!) how it went. Be genuinely excited to hear about it. Ask specific questions: "Tell me about the goal you scored!" or "What was the coolest thing you saw at the museum?"

Even before the event, tell them you are excited to hear about it later even though you’re so sad to miss it. When you do this, they will be excited to tell you about that goal or that exhibit. In that moment, you will be in their mind, and you will be with them. You are part of their victory. 

You are not failing if you have to do other things over your kids' activities. That’s just life. But you can be a part of their life, a real and vital part of it, even when you aren't there. You're showing them that your love and support isn't dependent on your physical proximity.

The guilt is real, and it’s there for a reason. Instead of fighting it, use it as a powerful reminder of your love. You are part of their journey, their successes, and their joy—even when you’re not on the sidelines.

Resources and Tips for Infusing Your Presence

If you're looking for more ways to make your presence felt even when you're apart, here are a few tools and ideas to help you build that unbreakable connection.

• The Invisible String: This beautiful children's book explains the concept of an invisible string that connects us to the people we love, no matter where we are. It’s a wonderful tool for talking to your kids about being connected even when you're not physically together. It gives you a shared language to explain that your love is always with them.

• Leave a Little Love Note: Leave a small note in their lunchbox or backpack. A simple "Thinking of you today!" or "Good luck on your test!" can be a huge boost. It's a tangible reminder that you were thinking of them, even when you weren't there.

• Make the "Welcome Home" Moment Count: The first few minutes after they get home from a big event or a long day are prime time for connection. Put your phone down, get a big hug, and ask them to share their favorite part. This simple ritual sends a powerful message that they are your priority.

• Use Technology to Stay Connected Intentionally: A quick, spontaneous video call during your work break can brighten both of your days. Or, send a silly emoji or a quick voice memo. It’s a low-pressure way to say, "I'm thinking of you and I can't wait to hear about everything."