Is What I’m Feeling Normal? (0-6 Months Postpartum)

Am I the Only One That Feels This Way?

So many new parents ask themselves this question. And as a therapist, I hear it every day. When you're navigating a new life with a new little person, everything feels different. One minute, you might be experiencing a great, impossible-to-explain joy and a deep sense of being in love with your new tiny human. The next, you're hit with overwhelming sadness, frustration, grief, or anxiety.

How can one person feel such different emotions so quickly?

Maybe you've had a moment like this: one minute you're crying tears of joy because your baby's yawn was so cute you couldn't handle it. The next, you're trying to calm them down after four diaper changes in a row and you feel like a total failure.

Sound familiar? This is normal. It's tough, and it happens to every new parent. You don't know what you're doing yet, but that is okay. Both you and your baby are learning this new life together. Neither of you have done this before. Take a breath. You are doing just fine, even if it doesn't feel like it.

The Biology of Perinatal Moods

Your body went through one of life's most incredible transformations: growing and birthing a baby. This massive change caused your hormones—like estrogen and progesterone—to soar and then plummet almost overnight. This sudden and dramatic drop can affect your brain chemistry, which relies on things like serotonin to regulate mood. So, if you're not feeling like yourself, it's not a personal failing; it's a completely normal biological response to the immense changes your body has gone through.

The Emotional Spectrum

Becoming a parent is an experience of extremes, and it's completely normal to feel a huge range of emotions. In one moment, you can be floating on a cloud of pure joy, and the next, you might find yourself deep in a valley of sadness. Recognizing and naming these feelings is the first step toward understanding what you're experiencing.

The Highs: Unconditional Love and Joy

There's nothing quite like the rush of love you feel for your baby. It can be a powerful, overwhelming, and beautiful force. You might find yourself staring at your baby in awe, feeling a profound sense of purpose and connection you've never known. This pure joy is real, and it’s a beautiful part of this journey. (If you haven’t had this experience, that is normal too!) 

The Lows: Irritability, Sadness, and Grief

On the other side of the spectrum, it's also common to feel irritable, sad, or even a sense of grief. You might be grieving the loss of your old life—the freedom, the time, the identity you had before. These feelings can feel unsettling, especially when you're "supposed" to be happy. It’s okay to feel sad about what has changed while still being deeply in love with your baby. Two things can be true here. 

The Anxious Undercurrent: Worry and Intrusive Thoughts

Beneath the surface of everything, many parents experience a constant hum of anxiety. This can show up as endless worry about your baby's health and safety, or as "what-if" thoughts that pop into your head uninvited. These intrusive thoughts, while disturbing, are very common. It's your brain's way of trying to protect your new baby, even if it feels overwhelming to you. Intrusive thoughts, while sometimes scary, are not indications of what you wish to happen. They are simply just thoughts, and it is ok to say “hi thought, I see you, thanks for trying to help me keep my baby safe” or “Wow, that was a weird thought, good thing I know that isn’t going to happen.” 

When to Seek Help: From the "Baby Blues" to Something More

After birth, about 60-80% of new parents experience the "baby blues." These are brief periods of moodiness, tearfulness, or anxiety that typically appear in the first two weeks and resolve on their own. They're like a short-lived storm passing through. Remember, those hormones just crashed! Your body is figuring out how to level itself out. 

However, sometimes the storm doesn't pass, or it becomes much more intense. This is when the feelings you're experiencing may be a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD), like postpartum depression (PPD) or postpartum anxiety (PPA). The key difference is the duration and intensity of your symptoms, and whether they are interfering with your ability to function.

A great place to start is with the basics: aim for at least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep, if possible. This is a game-changer for your mental health. Consider having your partner, a family member, or a friend take a night shift, or even an evening shift (7pm-12pm) with the baby so you can get a solid block of rest.

If you've been doing your best to take care of yourself and are still feeling overwhelmed, it might be time to seek professional help. Pay attention to how long and how intensely you're feeling these symptoms.

Here's what to watch out for:

Symptoms of Postpartum Depression (PPD):

• A persistent feeling of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness.

• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you once enjoyed.

• Changes in appetite (eating more or less than usual).

• Sleep disturbances (insomnia or sleeping too much).

• Intense irritability or anger.

• Feeling worthless, guilty, or like a bad parent.

• Withdrawing from family and friends.

• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. (If you are experiencing these, please seek help immediately by calling or texting 988.)

Symptoms of Postpartum Anxiety (PPA):

• Constant, excessive worry about your baby's health and safety.

• A feeling of dread or a sense that something bad is going to happen.

• Panic attacks, which can include a racing heart, shortness of breath, dizziness, and shaking.

• Physical symptoms like a constant stomach ache, nausea, or a racing mind.

• Intrusive or "what-if" thoughts that are hard to shake.

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You are not alone, and with the right support, you can feel like yourself again.

Every feeling you have during this time is valid. The journey into parenthood is a complex mix of incredible highs, challenging lows, and everything in between. It's a journey of immense change, both biologically and emotionally, and it's completely normal to not feel like yourself.

Please remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You don't have to navigate these feelings alone. Reaching out for support is the bravest thing you can do for yourself and for your family. If the feelings of sadness, worry, or overwhelm are lasting, intense, or getting in the way of your daily life, it's time to talk to someone.

If you are concerned about what you're feeling, please don't hesitate. You can start by scheduling a consultation with me or talking to your healthcare provider. You deserve to feel well and to find joy in this new chapter.